Amazing But (not) True Stories! Read online

and were told to prepare.

  I had to smoke one last cigar before we landed and went out on the deck.

  The tower we were to dock at was far enough away I could easily finish my cigar.

  Finish I did, and I flicked the nasty saliva covered end at the edge of the airship.

  The whole thing erupted into flames! I was astonished and hurried away from the flames.

  Boy, we lit up that New Jersey sky like it was day.

  If you've never heard of Nikola Tesla, you're missing out on an interesting man.

  He had me working as a janitor at his lab in the summer of 1908. I just had to keep things clean and not touch his work.

  Simple enough.

  Well, curiosity got the better of me one night.

  He had some ray machine pointing west. I couldn't understand any of the fancy science talk but I knew what the big red button meant. Press it.

  I did.

  Tesla fired me even though the ray didn't even kill anyone. Just wiped out several hundred miles of forest in Siberia near Tunguska.

  Back in the summer of 1964, I was working on a boat for the US Navy. Just off the coast of some tiny nation called Vietnam.

  I had worked the night before but the guy that was supposed to replace me got sick. So I was now stuck doing a second shift.

  Tired and bored, I fell asleep.

  I slumped over, fell on a control board, and accidentally fired a torpedo. I was so foggy and dazed, barely awake, and couldn't hail the ship I fired at to apologize for the mishap.

  The USS Maddox thought some nearby Vietnamese boats had fired on them and shot back.

  Oops...

  February in Iowa can be freezing, snowy, and worse.

  A tour bus came in with some of the biggest names in music of the time. They complained about the bus and how terrible the heat was on it.

  I knew a guy who knew a guy in Mason City who could get them a charter flight to their next gig.

  It took a bit of convincing but I got them on that plane. With a nice fee sent to me for getting the pilot an extra job.

  Of course, due to the weather conditions... Well, at least it gave that American pie guy a song.

  America, 1960, the heat of the Cold War getting even hotter.

  We needed information on the Soviets.

  Before I worked for the Navy in the waters of South East Asia, I was helping with the top secret U-2 program.

  It was the fastest and stealthiest of our spy planes.

  The President, whose autograph I already got, called with worries about it being shot down.

  Of course, his worries were for nothing. The U-2 plane couldn't be shot down.

  One of our best pilots, Gary Powers, was going on the next mission. Deep into Soviet territory.

  I had a quick chat with him before his flight. He mentioned he had a slight head cold. He asked if it might affect his reaction time.

  Like with the President, I told him not to worry. No surface to air missile the Soviets had could take down a U-2. Even with a pilot slightly hampered by a head cold.

  At least I thought that. In reality... Well, we got Powers back. Eventually.

  Gah, after the Powers incident I needed to relax.

  I moved to California for a bit. Brentwood, California. Beautiful views and a very beautiful neighbor.

  Marylin, the sex symbol of my life, was only three houses down!

  Somehow we became friends. She loved a man in uniform. She loved hearing about all of my stories.

  She was having man problems and may have been drinking a little more than she should. I tried to get her to cut back but I liked a sip or two as well.

  On August 4th, she called me, crying, and I went over.

  After a bit of drinking and sloppy foreplay, she said she wanted her special vitamins.

  They were in her medicine cabinet. I grabbed them but accidentally dropped them after knocking another bottle off the shelf and it opened.

  Meh, they're all hers, they can't be too bad. I scooped up the pills and put them in the same bottle.

  After I found out, I had to go to Dallas for a bit. Get away from California.

  My friend Jack Ruby had a club there I could do some work at. Not a bad deal since I'm the one who got him the loan.

  Bosnia, does it still exist? Well, in 1914 it did.

  Some Duke guy came by for a parade.

  There was an accident or something and people were hospitalized.

  I went to a diner with my recent purchase. A 1910 Browning semi automatic.

  A waiter wanted to check it out and I was showing it off to him when a woman screamed.

  I reached for the gun, thinking there was a threat, when the gun went off and hit a car.

  It was supposed to be semi automatic but someone must have modified it before I bought it.

  The gun didn't stop shooting until it was empty.

  Man, I just paid good money for the gun and it was modified. I can't have a fully automatic gun like that. I had to take it back.

  Oh, and the car had the Duke guy in it. Didn't know the guy, didn't really care.

  Only Duke I care about is The Duke.

  Man, I miss him. All the times we'd stand outside of a set during a movie shooting.

  He always complained about stress so I got him started on smoking. Back then we didn't know any better. We thought cigarettes had vitamins in them and stuff.

  My many years here have led me to some powerful people. Some incredible geniuses. Amazing women.

  I hope my book gets released before the orange ones take over.

  I met them before. At Area 51. Not that I can talk about that. Oh, if only I could.

  When I quit Area 51 I had to sign so many waivers about how if I talk it will be the last thing I do.

  At least I knew to invest in things like television and computers. Boy, if only they released the water powered car. A car that runs on water.

  Thank you to all for reading this. Just some stupid stories I tell at work and decided I'd put them all down and share with the world. For free!

  Check out my other books, all under the same name, Seth Quillet, on Amazon!